Gin Lane (A Romance)

A Cockernee wifey was slumped in the dirt,

Now and then sipping a tankard.

Her vision was blurry and her speech was slurred

Because she was utterly wankered.

Away up a rooftop, all covered in soot

A dashing young Cockernee fella,

Fancied this wifey, sat there in the muck

And so he serenaded her all a cappela:

"Gin! Gin! Glorious gin!

Makes me feel 'appy compels me to sing.

Good times will follow, when this booze 'ere I swallow

In me own filth I'll wallow, drunk on glorious gin."

This fair pearly queen he aimed to entice

Squinted up at the man on the roof

She mused that this geezer looked somewhat nice

as she swigged down some 50% proof.

She liked her a song just as much as a drink

And so winked at the bloke she'd just met.

on baby deer legs she got to her feet

And lifted her voice in duet.

"Gin! Gin! Marvellous gin!

Makes me feel 'appy compels me to sing.

Good times will follow, when this booze 'ere I swallow

in me own crap I 'll wallow, drunk on glorious gin."

From all over the city drunk Cockneys came

Twirling and dancing in tandem.

Dancing and singing they poured into Gin Lane

From East Hammersmith right down to Camden.

A Cockernee knees up of gargantuan size

they all came down there to rejoice,

These loved up piss artists and the drink that they drank

As they all sang aloud in one voice.

"Gin! Gin! Wonderous gin!

Makes us feel 'appy compels us to sing.

Good times will follow, when this booze 'ere we swallow

in our own crap we'll wallow, drunk on glorious gin."

With apologies to Flanders and Swann and the good people of London Town. I spent far longer on the above than I'm comfortable admitting, but, goddamit, it needed to be written.

Love and Fishes

Dave Denton