The Ballad of Bruce Wayne

The people of Gotham despaired of Bruce Wayne

But what they never suspected was that

At night he would go and punch crime in the face

And he did it while dressed as a bat.

In a few months as Batman, Wayne had success

Getting the crime rate right down

Until a guy called the Joker startedmessing things up

And he did it while dressed as a clown.

The Joker was hired to kill our friend, Bats

At the behest of some dudes in the mob.

For crime was tired of being thumped in the mouth

Every time they went out on the rob.

They first fought one night during a soiree

And some poor buggers car got all bent.

Things then got worse! A hospital blew up!

Then Joker did a number on Dent

Bat finaly collared Joker one night

When trying to blow up some boats

The clown hit the bat in the face with a pipe

'I've beat you, you pansy' he boasts

But bats isn't beaten, he throws the crook off

And show him that crime doesn't pay

And Joker falls down, to certain death

And he did it while laughing away

But Batman lassoed him, before he went splat

And clown prince of crime hung there smiling

This joke's not funny, Batman decides,

So he hoyed the sod in Arkham Asylum

The people of Gotham still despair of Bruce Wayne,

They wish he would do something right

This is because they are kept in the dark

That Bruce Wayne is Gotham's Dark Night

The above was written as an attempt to teach a class of thirteen years olds about the ballad format of poetry, with various stanza's containing inciting incidents, rising action etc. etc. You probably didn't cotton on to this, but the plot is cribbed from Christopher Nolan's little known indie hit The Dark Night. I could tell by the faces of the children that they all thought I was a super cool guy, with great hair, who probably owns a kantana and is the best at swimming. Unfortunately I later decided that teaching is not for me, mainly as I cannot speak in front of a large group of people - even when those people are in a pupal state - without my voice rising three octaves and sweating profusely. Ho hum. The academic sector's loss is the soul crushing customer service industry's gain.

More recently the Alice in Sunderland project inches along, latest effort below:

For the remainder of this week I have been shaking my head in wearied horror at the shenanigans around the Labour leadershp election, trying to halt the decline in my physical state by lifting heavy things up and down and spendingmy valuable alone time pretending to be a cowboy complete with spit bucket and assless chaps.

Love and Fishes

Dave Denton