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| Although, to be fair, fuck all else was going on during this time |
That sound you hear is that of a barrel being scraped. I mean, I get it. I can tell that it's done with tongue firmly in cheek as a sort of spoof of tabloid journalism. I don't believe that anybody out there genuinely believes that Brad and Angelina have outsourced child rearing duties to the formerly alive, nor do I believe that anyone over at Northern and Shell think that anyone is buying into this. It's just a bit of fun. But that's the thing. It's not fun or funny. It's just shit. And not shit in an offensive or mind boggling way, but in the way that James Blunt, Coldplay, Nicolas Sparks and My Family are shit; a lukewarm, slightly runny heap of this'll do slowly dripping down the trouser leg of humanity. If you aren't interested in current events and the world around you, that's fine*. But if that's the case, why bother reading a fucking newspaper at all? At least the Daily Sport had boobies in it.
Okay, I may be overselling my rage, which, at most, manifested itself in a clicked tongue and a roll of the eyeballs. Blatantly bullshit newspaper stories about ghosties are not worth getting hett up over, although they do make me a little bit sad inside. What is, genuinely, infuriating is that having clearly and unambiguously established itself as a purveyor of fiction people then get worked up over the various scare stories they routinely pull out their arse, usually involving Muslims, Roma or the unemployed (y'know, the real movers and shakers in society). It's worth remembering that the paper was the width of a budgie's knob from endorsing the violent bell ends over at the English Defence League and that the whole wilfully ignorant presentation can hide some fairly dickish attitudes. The Star's not the only or even the worst media outlet indulging in this kind of behaviour, but the gap between the stories being put forward and it's credibility as a news source must surely be the widest. It's like reading Jewish blood libel in The Beano. So the next time somebody tries to tell you that it is now a criminal offence to celebrate Christmas/fly the flag of St George/engage in sexual intercourse without wearing a high vis jacket please remember the black eyed ghost children and treat the story with the contempt it deserves (incidentally, assuming you've not already seen it, I'd recommend reading former staff writer Richard Peppiat's resignation letter, which demolishes the paper's ethics and practices far more thoroughly and eloquently than I ever could).
The idiots have also been on the march in other Clacton and Heywood, with UKIP winning their first seat in the former and coming a close second in the latter. I've written before that I'm no fan of Mr Farage and his cohorts, primarily because I believe that the policies the party put forward amount to economic, social and cultural self mutilation and that laying the blame for all the nation's woes on immigrants and foreign powers is, at best, wilful misdirection. An increasing number of people disagree with me though (fair enough, I'm hardly the fucking oracle) and, much as I'd like to, you can't really dismiss the miserable buggers any more. A few thoughts on the results:
a) what happened in Clacton was essentially a bloke going home and then coming to work the next day in a different coloured tie, actual changes are close to nil.
b) In Heywood and Middleton it was the Tory and Lib Dem votes that collapsed, not Labour, who actually increased their vote share. Admittedly by a piddly 1%, but in our current system it doesn't matter if they win by 600 votes or 6,000, they still win outright.
c) UKIP's 39% of the vote on a 36% turnout at Heywood is something like 15% of eligible voters, which is hardly a ringing endorsement
d) Having been born and raised in the north of England I've never felt that it's a place innately hostile to right wing ideology. Part of the reason the Tories do next to no business here has little to do with their policies and a lot to do with their brand and their perceived disinterest/hostility to those outside the stock broker belt. UKIP's success in the north feels like the first vaguely accurate indication of the split between liberals and reactionaries in the area for over thirty years
All that said, the momentum is very much with Mr Toad and the Hell in a Handcart gang and it wouldn't surprise me if it carried over to the General Election next May. Me referring to their supporters as idiots is a bit dickish and not, admittedly, going to do much to raise the tone of the debate, but it bears repeating that if the British want a country to be proud of then facts, empathy and positivity should trump vaguely defined gut instinct, hearsay and outrage.
Meh. Enough moaning. Here's a picture of me and wor lass done in the style of Peanuts. I don't normally stick pictures of meself up as I think it lacks class to rub it in other people's faces how blisteringly handsome I am. But she insisted and the art style pretty much masks my throbbing studdliness, so here you dang well are
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| With apologies to Charles M. Schulz |
Love and Fishes
Dave Denton
*actually it's pretty dismal, but you're not actively hurting anyone so we'll let you off
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